I like to think that I'm laid back. Doug likes to remind me that I most definitely am not.
I like to think that I fully trust and relinquish control...yeah, not so much.
Our life is in chaos. It's been turned upside down in fact. And it seems like such odd timing. I recently had the best language evaluation and was even enjoying my language study time. I am used to shopping here now, I stocked up my freezer with cheese, so why now? Why, of all times, with enough cheese to last a while, would God lead us home. Doug and I have agonized over this decision in prayer and know that we are following God's leading. But that doesn't make it easy.
Have you ever tried to tell God how to do his job? I'd like to say I haven't, but that would be lying and that would just add a whole 'nother sin I need to ask forgiveness for. So, I'll be honest. I keep trying to convince God that we are the right ones for the job, that he NEEDS us here. Silly, silly girl. Remember the other day, the song I was listening to "You are God Alone". I keep repeating the lines in my head "You are not a God in need of anything we can give." When did I start thinking God needed me or that I should be the one to tell him where and how I should serve? He's the potter, and I'm the clay, right? I keep stating the obvious to God, as if he doesn't know the facts and I need to plead on the behalf of the lost people here. Silly, silly girl. Let's get a few things straight, shall we?
1. God loves my friends more than I ever could.
2. God is working and moving here.
3. God never needed me to complete a task.
4. God's love won't change for me or for anyone else based on where I live.
5. God has a plan.
6. God is in control, he has a plan that is not only good, it's PERFECT.
So why does God allow us to serve in the first place? He doesn't need us, right? No, he doesn't need us, but he does WANT us. He wants us to be in a relationship with him, to love him and he wants that LOVE to extend from us to others. He chooses to include us because he loves us and wants us, not because he needs us. What a picture! I'm thinking of my own children and how many times I could do things easier without their "help", but I want them to help me because I love spending time with them and I want them to learn and grow through our interactions together. I'm an earthly flawed parent and I want good things for my kids, God is perfect, so how much more is he caring and looking out for us. (There's a verse about this, I think it involves a snake...I'll look it up) Okay, here's a bible verse that goes with that: "What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent;" Luke 11:11 ESV
Our time in Thailand was less than we expected, but we are trusting that God knew the number of days we'd be here. We're trusting that his plan is the only one that matters. I'm learning and re-learning every day how to let go of control and how to live in light of the truth of God's word. God wants desperately for us to be "all in" for him, sold out, committed, and passionately seeking to spend time with Him.
I've been struggling with all the changes that are coming. Especially being thrust back into transition again, at a very unexpected time. Like I mentioned earlier, I feel so settled and comfortable here now. But, today, as we were swimming one last time in the pool at our resort, I had a realization. I had taken a few minutes to myself to float in the water and was imagining myself resting in the Lord. As I was floating along, I drifted toward the side of the pool and something struck me. God is wanting us to push away from the side, to let go of everything and rest in him. And when we drift back to the security (the side of the pool) we need to boldly shove ourselves back into the mix.
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| Ahh, just rest in HIM, you can do it, just let go. You don't need to be in control. KELLEE, I'm talking to YOU! |
Don't miss out on resting in the Lord because you're too busy hanging onto the side of the pool like a ninny. Whether it's finances, your home, your family, or your job, do NOT, I repeat do NOT cling to these things, they can be gone in an instant. The only thing that makes sense, that's unchanging and stable is Jesus Christ. Rest in Him. (And please remind me of this in 5 minutes because I have a short attention span and I'm like the song..."prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave this God I love").
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