Let's not stand idly by...

Day 23:

It light of recent news of the Boston marathon bombing, I just can't go about business as usual. I remember last year, a few weeks after we got back to Thailand I heard that a good friend of mine from high school died in a plane crash. During that time I remember feeling angry that people's lives just kept on going as if his fiancée, mom, dad, and siblings hadn't just had their world shattered. I felt consumed with sadness, not for him, I was certain he was far better off, but my overwhelming emotion was for all of us left behind and the void his absence left. I kept googling his name, checking Facebook, and trying to make sense of it all. Why? Why him? Why so young? Why now, when he'd just gotten engaged and his life was so full of purpose and meaning. I found a random video of him online and laughed remembering who he was, but oh, his Momma, how her heart must ache. I think I was overwhelmed for her loss more than anything.  I knew her too.  She helped our class with lots of projects, she's a great mom, I couldn't help but feel she didn't deserve to lose her boy. I prayed for her countless times and felt overwhelmed with her...even from very far away.  I should have done something, I asked for her address, but never did what I should have...I never reached out to her.  I've thought about it many times since, and I always pray for her, but never took that extra step to let her know I'm thinking of her.

 I've lost a few friends and family along the way, and sometimes it just doesn't seem very fair. I'm often left thinking, why couldn't you have taken someone else instead. As a teenager, we lost a dear friend, he died in a car accident, I think I was 13 or so, I remember when my mom told me, I bitterly replied, "Why couldn't it have been so-and-so instead!"  That "so and so" was someone I felt wasn't worthy to live.  My mom wisely replied, "Honey, I'm glad it was him and not "so-and-so", at least with Freddie, we know exactly where he is."  Right before we came to Thailand, I had another harsh and cruel reminder, one of the sweetest people in the entire world, who lit up a room like no one I've ever seen, died in a car crash.  Her father came to my parent's house, looking for my dad, and I stood there, dumbfounded.  There were no words, I felt so helpless, time stopped, and I've never been the same since. That overwhelming loss of someone so special impacted me.  I know it gave me a new steam and vigor for moving here, realizing just how short our time is.  I know she taught me a lot, in the very short time I spent with her, and it was through so much of her countenance of joy.  It wasn't like I'd had extensive conversations with her, but it was in her exuberance and joy for life. Then the tragedy of that being cut short, resonated with me.  Her life was poured into everyone she met, she truly touched other people's lives, her life impacted mine in such a vast immeasurable way and I hope my life will in some way honor that. 

As I recount all these loved ones lost, and their loved ones suffering, from that moment, until they meet again, I can't help but wonder, as a mother, how do I explain this to my children. This time, as reports come in about bomb blasts at a marathon, we are far away, and they are too young to know what's going on, but things like this will continue to happen, and the fact is, we're all helpless in a sense. We have no control over what other people choose to do, and even if we did, what about cancer, who is a respecter of no one.

Here's the truth: I want to tell my kids that nothing bad will ever happen, and even if it did, I'd protect them. But that's not true. There are millions of things that could happen that I'd have no control over, no option to say, "Take me instead!" That's the worst feeling in the world, seeing your kids hurting, and being a wretched waste of space in the "make it all better" department.

But as I move forward as a parent, and I strive to raise children who are caring, kind, compassionate, and Christ like, I must tell them the hard truths. I can't protect them, and bad things do happen, every day, all over the world, to all types of people. As I'm processing all of this, I keep thinking of random songs like the song my mom sang to me, and I sing to my babies, "que sera sera, whatever will be will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera sera". I remember thinking those words were spoken nonchalantly, like,"yeah, whatever,  stuff happens", but as I'm thinking of it now, while feeling somber, all I can think is, I have no answers, no magic words to make everything better.. "But I know whom I have believed in and am persuaded that HE is able!" As a parent, I'm insufficient. I can't predict the future or think of every possible scenario, but I do know who's in control and I know he's trustworthy and he has a plan. My job is to lead my children to him. That doesn't mean hard times won't come, but this life is temporary, it's what comes next that takes priority. 

As Christians, I believe we have a responsibility to show love to those around us. Often we are ready to engage in political debates and fight over the issues, but how often are we willing to lend a hand. I'm not judging, I get riled up about a lot of unimportant things and can often be found being too complacent...re-read paragraph one. But with the news coming out of Boston, I hope we aren't just clanging cymbals and offering empty words to a world that is hurting and in desperate need of TRUE love. I read an article last week that a pastor wrote (you can read it here.), and I believe it's very appropriate, he discusses a common phrase we throw out there when someone is going through a difficult time, but isn't really biblical. It really challenged me to be in prayer as I seek to comfort others, and ask God to show us real ways to act out his love for them. I'm not sure what that will mea in regards to Boston.  But if someone near you is suffering loss, don't go about your business as if nothing has happened, of course we all continue to live our lives, but take the time to truly show love through your ACTIONS, not just your words.  If they live near you, drive over to see them, take them a meal, spend time with them reminiscing, honor their loved one and let them know you haven't forgotten and you understand business will never "be as usual" ever again.

All day, I've had a song stuck in my head, "They'll know we are Christians by our love." I hope that's true, I pray God would love others through me and if I am an unwilling vessel, I pray he would change my heart, even if hurts.