And then I turned into Dr. Jekyll or is it Mr. Hyde...which one is the mean one?

 I'm fairly certain my sister is fighting the urge to roll her eyes at my stupidity for not knowing which one of those guys is the mean one, but I'm pleading short term memory problems and long term memory problems, so there!

Day 90 (Saturday):

Saturday was one of the best Saturdays I've had in a long time.  I cleaned the kitchen extremely thoroughly Friday night, so waking up to an extra clean kitchen and a new breakfast concoction to try.  If you are a loyal reader, you'll remember the "big biscuit" bread I made the previous day and my ideas to make it desserty or in this case breakfasty.  I didn't have any butter, and I woke up in the middle of the night with the idea to make it like a giant chocolate chip scone.  It was good, it did not disappoint. Kees loved it too!  We may have added a smidge of buttercream frosting to ours that we had leftover from Doug's birthday cake.  I may also be addicted to sugar.  The rest of the day was pretty boring, the kids played, we all took a nap, we watched some movies. A fun relaxing day!

She ate/regurgitated a lot of grapes.

Our giant biscuit/scone took forever to cook, so we played "Go Fish"

Shhhh, don't tell them what I have.

These grapes are so good!

Duck face, she's in the know.

Ta Da!  Okay, I linked to the recipe yesterday. So you basically follow the instructions, but I added chocolate chips and a little bit of sugar (I didn't measure, but I'd guess around 1/4 a cup). Then I brushed with oil and sprinkled sugar on top INSTEAD of oregano and salt.  I repeat, oregano and salt are not included!

Do you see that smidge of frosting on the plate, look to the right in this photo, Kora just spotted it too. She climbed onto the table at this point and loved dipping her bread in frosting.  I know, I'm a terrible mother, most days I'm okay with that.

Fighting with their balloon swords. Kora doesn't really know how to "fight".  She just lets Kees assault her and runs around waving her sword.  She's a pro, she takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.

Look out!

Day 91 (Sunday):

How in the world do you have a spectacular Saturday, and then wake up in a crazy grumpy depressed mood on Sunday morning?  I have no idea what the answer is, but let me tell you, this Sunday morning was rough for me. One of the worst days I've had in a while.  One of those days where the mental turmoil and self hatred just ran circles around the facts I know to be true.  My emotions, and the lies those feelings tell me got their claws sunk into me.  Usually I am able to recognize this turn of events, and right the ship, so to speak, but today, I knew I was going down a negative path for no good reason and it was like I was on a run away train headed for no where good!

I explained to Doug that I was having a rough morning, that I couldn't shake my bad attitude and down in the dumps moodiness.  He offered to take the kids to church and let me stay home to pray or rest or whatever.  But I didn't want to do that, I didn't want my emotions to get the better of me, but I had a predominant fear that I'd end up at church and have a complete and utter mental meltdown.  But I'm nothing if not stubborn, so I went to church anyway, feeling like a big fat hypocrite cause we all know you can force that smile when you get around other people, the smile you can't fake when you're at home with your lovies, the ones you so desperately don't want to be snippy snappy with. 

We pulled into church and Doug prayed that we'd be able to have a good attitude and make it through the morning.  He's sweet, to say "we", when it was most definitely a personal problem I was having.  And you know what, I walked in, faked one smile and within literally one minute, it wasn't fake anymore.  I calmed down, and things settled.  Huh?  Your guess is as good as mine.  I think Satan had a field day with me this morning.  I believe he wormed his way into my thoughts and made fear and doubt rule for a while. But when Doug prayed, and I got together with fellow believers, those doubts and fears faded.  It doesn't mean I won't still struggle or have those moments or days, but I didn't let Satan's lies affect my choices.  I chose to go about my business and Doug reminded me through his prayer to seek God's help.  To be honest, I have never dealt with fear and doubt the way I have experienced it here.  Some days I feel like we are all alone, that we have been ripped from everything we love, everything that's normal, everything that helps us keep our sanity.  That fear of being alone, of failing miserably, of giving up everything we know and having it come back void, that's Satan's playground.  He loves that fear, he uses that fear to paralyze us.  But I had a weird epiphany, I can choose, at the ripe old age of 30, to let these circumstances and hardships I face turn me bitter. Or I can choose to let God use them to make me better, to conform me to the image of his son.  Have you ever looked at your life and felt like you just haven't done enough and the time is slipping away too quickly?  That's how I felt today.  I read Romans 8.  It's a great chapter in a great book, in the holy word of God.  And it tells me that, ..."there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Satan wants us to believe that we are defeated, that our past mistakes, and current failings define us.  But God says there is no condemnation for us. Romans 8 teaches that we are co-heirs with Christ.  And my favorite, in verse 28, it says, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who are called according to HIS purpose."  Take that Satan, what you meant to harm us, God WILL use for good.

 I wish I was better at communicating what I'm going through and how God is teaching me, how he continues to patiently wait for me to realize obvious truths in his word. Once again, I fall short, but let me tell you, HE never will.  Take some time today and read Romans 8, listen to a good sermon on youtube (or go to church if you're able!), find some praise music and focus on the truth in God's word.

When we take the time to dwell on God's truth, Satan's lies lose their power!

Okay, so that's my good word of the day, well God's good word that he's teaching me.  Now on to the little ins and outs of our day. Why? Because there are grandparents who cherish these little posts and knowing that Doug wouldn't take good pictures helped me push through my rough morning and make the extra effort.  The blog must go on!

At church, the kids played with a variety of exciting things.  We brought "babies" from our house.  I packed a few cars for Kees and grabbed a baby doll for Kora.  We were IN the car, and Kees wanted to have a baby too, but the house was locked.  I ran into the school room and grabbed a couple stuffed "babies" for him too.  Kees wants Kora to do everything he does. We are always reminding him that she gets to choose what she does.  It's funny because he rarely talks about himself anymore, he always says, "Kora and me want..." even when it's something I know she doesn't want to do.  He sees them as a little duo. It's so cute.  But I'm partial.

So, Kora had a baby, and Kees needed one.  That was the first thing they did, they took turns holding babies. Then I found some jump ropes, then some bouncy balls.  Church is always tiring for me because I am trying to corral my two kids and there's usually at least one incident where Kora is quicker than me, both physically and mentally, and manages to make her way up to the front of the church. She usually bee lines it for the drums.  Deep breaths Momma, it'll be over before you know it, and you'll miss these days...at least that's what everyone keeps telling me.  Just teasing, I know I will. :)   Then as soon as church is over, it's a mad dash to pour water all over ourselves.  I actually got wise, for once, and gave Kora one ice cube in a cup, then plopped her a few feet away from the action. Kees filled all the cups with ice and water and Kora didn't get drenched, hope I remember that trick next week.  But who am I kidding, if I remember, she'll find another way to get messy.

Playing with the pastor's daughter and one of their stuffed babies.

These were the babies Kees brought: a bear and a duck.

Hugs!

I want to grab those babies and squeeze, the Tomlinson ones, not the stuffed ones, but if they are a packaged deal, I'd be okay with that.

Kees put all the jump ropes into circles.  Kora followed behind and un-circled them.  That was an instance where Kees did not want Kora to "play" with him. ;)

Kora is writing on one of those boards where you can erase it by sliding the bar.  Kees was erasing it every 10 seconds, we counted because before we started counting he was going back and forth and she couldn't get anything drawn before he'd erase it.

  A little Daddy snuggle time.

Today's meal was these little white noodles, with a green saucey stuff. I think there was pork involved and these yummy green cucumber eggplant ball vegetable things, maybe like a tomato, but not as soft.  Whatever it was, it was good. 

Oh, forgot to mention the coagulated blood. I pretend it doesn't exist, that probably explains why I forgot to mention it.

After lunch our new friends drove me home (with the kiddos) and Doug stayed for the bible study. Our Thai church group is still going through the "By This Name" book together.  It's been so great for Doug to be able to go through this with them.  He's learning so much.  I try not to be jealous.  I tell myself, "It's a marathon. Right now your little ones need you to invest in them.  When they are older you'll have plenty of time to be a part of bible studies and other ministries that just aren't feasible right now." And then I beg Doug to share details with me when he gets home.  He's not a talker or a sharer, maybe next month he'll fill me in.  Seriously, sometimes it's like a month after the fact and he shares something really cool that he experienced on a trip or in a conversation with his Thai pastor friends and I have to nearly bite my tongue off in order to not snap at him and scream: "Why are you just now telling me this?!?"  Okay, maybe I don't try that hard because I probably have yelled that at him before, but I'm acknowledging that it's wrong, so that's a step in the right direction, right.  Right?

So, the kids and I played outside in our yard and while we were doing this....

Kees is driving, Kora is playing with sidewalk chalk.

Driving Kora's little car.

He wanted Kora to come ride so bad. He said he was a taxi driver and he was waiting for Kora to come get in.

Eventually she wandered over.  I helped her in.  Kees slid into the truck through the windshield, but he couldn't drive until he re-capped the gas tank.  Um, he does not get that from me, that attention to detail is ALL Doug.

Doug was doing this...

Love, love, and more love!  Do you think I could talk Doug into recording these meetings and then translating them for me.  It'd be good practice for him and me!

This is our pastor, not sure if I've mentioned it before, but his name is Ajan (which is the word for teacher, they call Doug this as well and sometimes me, but I almost never realize they are talking to or about me because I don't see myself as a teacher like our pastor or Doug) Atit (the word for Sunday) 

And guess what, because he (Doug) is super amazing and my favorite person in the history of the world, he even took pictures of the work crew cutting the trees down when he was on his way home.  I sure do love that man!  I met him at the door and asked if he brought me a present because I was having a rough day, he said "no", but he should have said, "Yep, I took some pictures for your blog."  In my world, it totally counts, but for future reference (Doug Tomlinson) a blog picture and a Snickers wouldn't be shied away from. ;)

We had to funnel through the gas station.

Wow, I'm so wordy today, excuse the length of this blog, or stop reading, I mean no one's making you be here. ;)

This afternoon it rained.  Kora shot out the door like a bat out of Hades when I went outside to get pictures and then she was quickly lulled into a trance.

FACT: The number of pictures I have of Kora where her body parts are a blur far exceed the number of still shots.

Downpour

Check out the water gushing out of the rain gutter.

The aforementioned trance.

I love the rain.

Kees thought there was a rain ghost.  He was using his "cok a later" to try and get a picture of the ghost.

Kora has Kees's "cok a later"  She's still in her rain trance.

I said her name about 12 times and finally got a smile!

Once the rain slowed down, Kees and I went shopping for our beginning of the week necessities.  I got a few pictures for you because that's what I do.

Dear future Kellee reading this blog, Kees is wearing mismatched pants because he is 4 and when he sat down in the bathroom to pull his own pants back up, he sat in water.  Doug re-dressed him and you chose to allow him to go out in public this way, don't be too hard on yourself. 

My grocery store purchases.  I bought Kees some connecting plug looking things...uh hum, educational manipulatives!

He built towers and we counted how tall they were.  He built based on color. While he was doing this I was cleaning the kitchen.  And taking pictures obviously.

It took me a while to clean the kitchen.  Kees has been waiting for days to make more tortillas and he had to wait about 30 minutes while I prepped everything, but he had a great attitude about it.  Perhaps he'll teach me how to do that!

And then I felt like Kees channeled Terry Pittman (my dad).  His job is to watch the tortilla that is cooking and tell me when it starts bubbling up.  I have an empty container of Sage I've been leaving out so I'll remember to put it on my shopping list.  Anyway, he was using it to bang excitedly when I would come flip the tortillas.  At one point, he said, "Momma, you try, it makes noise. I like this kind of music."  We proceeded to make up a song about our tortillas and this handy spice container kept quite a nice beat.

This is what I mean by bubbling up. And yes, I know, my tortillas are not round.  But it doesn't affect the taste.

Dear future Kellee, in the summer of 2014 purchase more Rance seasoning.

I had to hang out some laundry and our froggy friend was out there.  I'm often thinking leaves are frogs, but when the frog was actually there I didn't notice for a while. Go figure.

Hope you all had a very amazing Lord's day. Love you all so much!  Feel free to encourage me with good scripture, songs, and whatever else you got.  I feels tons better now, but would appreciate some good "truth" to look back on next time. ;)

Almost forgot all the funny Kees phrases from today.

While Doug was still at the bible study, Kees and I ate leftover chocolate chip bread with a SMIDGE of frosting, it was a smidge I swear.  When Doug came home, he asked Kees what we did while he was gone, no joke, Kees said, "All Momma did was eat a bunch of cake with A LOT of frosting."  I almost died laughing.  Then, later in the evening, I had just watched this video of a KT Oslin song and I was sad because the mom doesn't get to see her son every day. I was explaining it to Doug and Kees, and I said, "That's sad, huh? You like to see your mommy every day, don't you Kees?"  Kees (who was playing ipad) said, "Yeah, but I'm trying to deal with this problem over here. I have my OWN problem."