Tonight, I was giving Kora a mani/pedi and decided to watch a movie so she'd stay still. Tarzan was quick and easy to choose on Netflix, and I LOVE the music. It's funny how things will be swirling around my brain, and then all of a sudden, they start making sense. Sad to say, I'm mostly in a state of jumbled swirling thoughts, but I have some moments of clarity, and I enjoy sharing them...when I can remember they are.
As I was watching the movie, I realized my life parallels Tarzan's in a lot of ways. He didn't belong in the jungle, but he found himself there. He assimilated very well, but no matter what, he was always going to be different. I imagine if he ever visited civilization, he'd be so overwhelmed. He'd look like he fit it, but inside he'd know how different he was because of the time he spent in the jungle.
That's me! In Thailand, I adopted so many cultural norms and learned to fit in, as best I could. But moving back to the states doesn't just snap me back to being "normal". I look like I fit in, I think I act like I fit in, but inside I have so many conflicting emotions and a completely different outlook on life. I feel so blessed that God took us where he did, that he taught us, and carried us through our time in a foreign place. It's added so much to our lives, but it can also feel isolating. Like Tarzan, my heart, and my home are a place that should be foreign to me. And sometimes, when I'm in the place that should feel like home, I feel like a stranger.
Do you know what that reminds me of?
1 Peter 2:11-12New Living Translation (NLT)
"11 Dear friends, I warn you as “temporary residents and foreigners” to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls. 12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors. Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world.[a]"
As a former resident of Thailand, and now back in my home country, I may blend right in, at first glance, but if you get to know me, you WILL hear about Thailand. Whether you want to or not! And as believers, at first glance, people may not know we're Christians, but it shouldn't take long for them to realize we're just a little "odd". Our priorities and focus should be different. Our actions should ultimately bring glory to God. And that means LOVE. God is LOVE. He is so much more than I could ever express, but it boils down to love, every time. As Christians, this world is not our home, it shouldn't be too comfortable and fitting in, is an impossibility. But what should be different about us, I'll say it again, LOVE!
And because I'm always being reminded of songs, here's some lyrics that popped into my music loving head:
That leads us to repentance
Your favor Lord, is our desire
It's Your beauty Lord
That makes us stand in silence
Your love
Your love
Is better than life
Is better than life"
These lyrics are from "Kindness" by: Chris Tomlin. You can hear the full song here.
Today, started out like a normal day, and it wasn't until I sat down to write this, that I realized how many intricacies God worked together to remind me of HIS love. Last year, on the 4th of July, while visiting co-workers we made the decision that our time in Thailand was done. It was not what I wanted, but I felt it was what God had for us. I trusted HE had a plan, and it was good. I just didn't know how long it would hurt or where I'd be in 2 months, 6 months, or a year. But I could stand and move, one foot in front of the other, because the GOD in front of me can see everything. Almost every part of me wanted to scream "NO!", but God's word is our strength as believers. I clung to his word, I scribbled out negative thoughts that were consuming my emotions and energy and I found truth in his word that unequivocally shot down those wrong ideas. Without that, I could NOT have survived. So this week, I've been thinking about Thailand, it's almost been a year, crazy!
Earlier today, in the midst of all these thoughts, at the park, a little boy sat down right next to me and talked to me for over an hour. He shared all kinds of things with me, some of them were funny, and some of them were heartbreaking. He ran off to grab some pizza at one point, and my mind wandered off, to another little boy. One of Kees's friends in Thailand, one of the many, who also has pain in his past. Things that I would not wish on anyone, least of all a child. And the truth is, people are hurting, everywhere. Disease, death, heartache, and pain don't discriminate. It doesn't matter where your from or how much money you have, it's there. If you haven't experience it yet, I hate to say, you will.
But there's hope, there's always hope. I've found it for myself, in God's word, in his promises, and most of all in his LOVE. And that's what every person I meet is in desperate need of, love. And I have an endless supply of LOVE given to me by the very one who
"...is before all things, and in him all things hold together." (Colossians 1:16; NIV)
I don't know if I'll ever see my new friend again. He gave me a big hug before he left. I sure hope we meet again. Part of me, is sad. Sad that kids know the things they know, that they experience hurt and pain, sometimes from people who should be shielding and protecting them. But a big part of me is thankful, that I have experienced the one LOVE that never fades, that is truly unconditional, and is never based on my merit. And I'm thankful, that despite how I feel or what I experience, God is holding it all together, and he will make it right!
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