I missed the sermon on peace because I was helping with the kid's service.
Then, on Wednesday, when I was supposed to be writing about peace, I woke up in a full blown panic, about anything and everything my tiny racing brain could think of. Kora wanted me to read her books while she ate breakfast, I read between sobs. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!
Which reminds me to make this disclaimer, I do not blog because I know anything or have it all figured out. I blog to stay connected to family, and to keep myself motivated to learn and research. Knowing that even just a couple people are looking for these Wednesday blogs, and walking this journey with me, keeps me going. You know who you are, so thanks for encouraging me!
Peace is not an extension of us finally getting it all together, nor is it the product of us finally having it all under control. That's one of the main issues I struggle with, when I start having anxiety, all the what ifs, and the things I can't control.
Christmas is a reminder that our future is secure through the gift of Jesus, God's son, who came to pay for our sins! My anxiety is a reminder that while the penalty of my sin has been covered (by the blood of Jesus), and I CAN have power over my sin, when I walk with him. The presence of sin will not be removed until I'm with HIM in heaven. But you could take every single "what if" my swirling mind could fathom and not one or even all of them could change my future home in glory.
So I remind myself of those facts.
1. What's out of my control, will not change, no matter how much I agonize over it. And even when everything is out of my control, it's never out of God's. PRAY, then pray some more.
2. Even if every worse case scenario comes true, I'm never alone, and my future is SEALED.
3. God has provided for my every need, right now, right this minute. There's no reason to believe he'd ever stop doing that.
4. No matter what kind of trust issues I (or you) may have, it's always better to take a risk and find a friend who will listen and love you, warts and all.
5. The creator of the universe, the King of Kings, cared enough about me and you, to send his perfect only son, to die. He was someone's baby. He was tiny and helpless, but he was the promised one. There's so much to celebrate! He came to be one of us. He didn't wave a magic wand. He walked an extremely tough road, amidst criticism. He was spat on. He was beaten. His mother was there, and she had no control to stop it. And the one person, who is ALWAYS in control, the one who could have stopped it, chose not to. Because even that, was a part of the plan. The plan that REDEEMED me. All of that is to remind me, that many others before me have faced much worse circumstances, and they clung to faith, and the PEACE that we have through Jesus. That peace we know, the peace that is coming, wasn't cheap, and it didn't come easy.
6. The way you are feeling today, is not permanent. This too shall pass. (The day after my crazy one, was such a fabulous day. One rough day, dealing with anxiety does not define you. Next time I'm feeling panicky, I'll remind myself, it's a fleeting thing. Do your best today. Survive, tomorrow is new.)
I'm probably rambling, but I'm okay with that, because, like I said, I'm trying to figure it out. And this is the best way I know how. Hopefully next week's addition will make more sense because I'll take really good notes of the sermon.
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