Wordy Wednesday: Love

I am both happy and reluctant to post about love. We had our fourth week of advent at church this week, and the candle we lit, represents love.  Talk about convicting.  So, as you read this, just know, I am encouraging myself in this department because I honestly feel unqualified to even write about this topic because I fail so miserably.  And I'm not saying that like, "Oh, please tell me how loving I am and make me feel better."  I'm saying that, like, "Wow, God is so, so loving, and I can never reciprocate that in a way that even gets close.  I am SO far from it!"

Here's how I know God is loving, and I fall short.  He sacrificed his son.  I talk about this a lot, and I think about it, but just superficially. This week, it hit me hard, what that means, in a good way.  It's impactful try to grasp the love he has for us.  I know I don't understand it.  I can't even begin to know the extent of it.

Romans 8:38-39 (NLT) says:

"38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Some versions say, at the beginning of verse 39, "neither height nor depth". The point is, nothing changes that love, nothing! And it is a love that paid the ultimate price, not with his own life, but with that of his child.  That's where I get blown away.

Earlier this week, we were talking with a friend of ours about concealed carry weapons.  And I easily said, "I don't carry a weapon, because I'm not willing to take a life, especially if they might not know the Lord. I'd rather die, and have my relatives have an opportunity to share Jesus with my murderer.  I  know my eternity is secure!"  (And as I'm typing this, I'm thinking, "For me, death is gain!")

And almost as soon as I spit those words out, I said, "But if it comes to my kids, that's a different story! If anyone tries to mess with my kids, look out, cause I will fight ALL Y'ALL!"  It's funny how God works. That conversation came and went, and then at church this morning, it hit me, like a ton of bricks.  God didn't sacrifice himself, that's doable, understandable even.  He sacrificed his only child. And my mind can't even go there.  I can't think of any scenario in which I would choose another person's life over my child.

I've been a Christian for a long time.  And I know better than to bargain with God,  it doesn't work like that.  But I can think of one time, I would have given anything, bargained anything, done anything, and that was when we lost our first baby.  I had a "threatened miscarriage", the doctor gave us 50-50 odds.  I knew I couldn't bargain.  I knew God had a plan, and it might not mean I got to keep that little one.  But oh how I wished I could decide for him.  And this was a child I barely knew, a child I never held.  The agony I experienced, I wouldn't wish on anyone.

A few years later, having been through that experience, I was more prepared when we almost lost Kora.  I was much more prepared to turn the outcome over to God.  I was willing, to submit to God's plan, even if it meant losing another child. I'd seen how he had used my miscarriage to open doors and provide opportunities for me to share about HIS goodness.

But both of those situations were out of my control.  And every part of me would fight to protect my children. There is no fiber in me that would choose separation from my child.  All you want in those moments, is your child, in YOUR arms.

When God sent Jesus, he sent him to die.  He sent him to experience a sinful fallen world.  And after 33 years in this place, Jesus willing took on death for me.  And God not only allowed it, he planned it. That was his plan all along, to save me.  When Jesus died, God grieved.  It was pitch black for 3 hours, from noon till 3 pm that day.  (I read a good explanation here)

Those 3 hours were the worst suffering that Jesus experienced. He called out to his Father, "Why have you left me alone?"

My heart aches as I think about it. What parent could hear that, and not step in, move heaven and earth, or call 10,000 angels?  God had every power to end it all, right then and there, but he didn't.  And MY sin did that.  I'm bawling as I write this, imagining the sheer agony God was experiencing, having the power to end the suffering of his beloved precious child, but standing by.  And God, just like me, must have wanted his child in HIS arms.  I think it was pitch black because God just couldn't bear to see it.

He knew the death of his son was the provision, and he stuck to the plan, he never changes. It was the way he provided for us to be reunited with him.  Our sin separated us from God, Christ's death paved our way back!

Wow, just wow.  If you are not floored by the power of his love, I pray you will be, by whatever means necessary.

Kees was explaining the nativity to Kora this last week. And I heard him tell her, "God came to the Earth, as Jesus, and then he died!"  For the rest of the day, Kora went around the house singing, "Baby Jesus died".  At first, I was a little horrified, how morbid?!  But the more I think about it, that was the main point of his life, Jesus came to die.  And in a very simple way, Kora is learning that.

So as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the promised one's arrival. With all the hope, peace, and joy of this season. Consider the love God must have for YOU, to send his son, knowing he would die.  Knowing the humiliation and ridicule he would endure. God's love is beyond what we can fathom, but it's important that we dwell on it anyway.  The more we try to comprehend his love and look at the body of evidence proving it, the more we are able to return his love and share it with others.  Knowing one day, it will be made complete in heaven.