Wordy Wednesday: The In Between

(I'm gonna have to quit writing these, it's a guaranteed cry fest, every time!!!)

I've most definitely written about this topic before, and talked about it at length with various people as well, you know, the "in between" times.

Talk about a roller coaster, one door closes, and there may or may not be a door to walk through, that we can see anyway.

This was taken last July (2013), in those weeks we were preparing to leave Thailand.  Talk about the longest worst waiting time of my life.  The time past so slowly, I didn't want to leave, but I knew it was what God had for us.  This picture will always stir a crazy amount of emotion for me.  My caption at the time was, "Walking through this together, thankful for my family"  I also thank God for prompting me to start the blog in the first place, if I hadn't promised to blog every day for a year, there are a lot of emotions I never would have dealt with.  I stayed true to my promise, even though it meant opening up and sharing the hardest experience of my life.  Sure do love y'all for praying us through that time.  Y'all are the BEST!

Last night as I was working on a project, I was listening to music, and this song popped up.  It's called "While I'm Waiting".  And I felt an urgency to write about it, this topic, that I feel like I've spent a good portion of the last few years doing, "waiting"!

Right now, I am so thankful, that I'm not waiting for anything.  But I know a few people who are, and maybe this is for them, or maybe this is for my future self.  It's a near certainty that I will have to wait  again, for something.

So here is my list of things to do, when you're waiting:

1. Immerse yourself in truth.

When I say TRUTH, I mean scripture.  Find a passage that speaks to you, memorize it, journal about. One of the hardest things about waiting, is having too much time to think.  Don't let your mind be filled with haphazard thoughts based on your emotions. First fill it with the truth in God's word. Another great way to do this, is through music.  In Thailand, I listened to Mandisa on a loop.  Good choice. :)

2. Be true to the process you are going through, and your emotions. Express in healthy ways.

This may sound contradictory considering what I said in #1. But, expressing your emotions doesn't mean they have to rule you.  Talk about your feelings, write about them, pinpoint the main emotion that is nagging you, and pray about it.  You can't avoid your feelings forever, it's best to deal with them in a healthy way.  Again, that doesn't mean they have to take over.  Another way, I've found to help process my emotions is to write them out, then compare those feelings to what God says about me or the situation I'm in.  Then, I pray specifically about the emotions and ask God to fill me with truth.

3. Pray

I know, I know, this one was included in #2, but really, PRAY.  And when God answers, write it down, and praise him for it!

4. Be thankful 

One of the biggest drain on us, during the times of waiting, is doubt, and focusing on the difficulties.  Don't get caught in that cycle. No matter how bad it is, it could be worse.  If you have ONE person that is walking through your tough time with you, that's something to be thankful for.  If you have a roof over your head, food in your tummy, and a bed, be thankful.  There are plenty of uncertainties while we're waiting, but there are also plenty of things that GOD has and is working out in our favor. Trust that, focus on whatever good you can find.

5. Find ways to serve him, right where you are.

I've had months at a time where we were living with family, and as I'm writing this, I'm wishing I'd made more of that time, and served them.  While I was waiting, I could have done more.  And I'll will honestly say, I spent more time than I'd like to admit complaining and worrying.  So, future Kellee, quit your belly aching and pitch in!

6. Focus on those who need you

This one has saved my sanity a few times.  I can think of at least twice, that all I wanted to do was get in a sensory deprivation tank and sleep for 3 weeks.  Life does not afford that luxury, and that's okay. When we were in the height of our transitioning, still in Thailand, all I could do was repeat to myself that my kids needed me, and they needed me healthy and as emotionally stable as humanly possible.  There were days that I just felt jittery and couldn't focus or eat.  After a couple days of that, I made myself take deep breaths, and my goals for the day got reduced to eating regular meals and loving on my kids.  That was about all I could do.  I also read a great book, and that helped keep me from driving right off the deep end.

Side note, if you have children, talk them through the process. Pray with them.  Let them know how you are feeling and acknowledge their feelings.  Help them see how God is being faithful to your family.  They need to see you process through this time, even though it's hard. If you hide it from them, they'll get the impression that they are a failure if they struggle.  Let them in on what's happening, in an age appropriate way of course, and with BARRELS of compassion. You may not feel like you have extra love and compassion to give, but God does, and you have access to that.  Again, pray, pray, pray, to get you through the day.

7. Be guarded with the many, and open with a few.

KELLEE, this is for YOU! Read it again, make a poster!  I have boundary issues.  I over share, always.  Hence, this blog. But when you are in the middle of a tumultuous time and you don't even know the answers yourself, keep it simple with the masses and open up with a few trusted individuals.  God first, in prayer, and then family and friends.  In general, if people are asking, and you don't know, just keep your answers short, simple, and truthful.  And ask for prayer!

8. Finish well

Another weakness for me, checking out early.  When we were leaving Thailand, we had 3 weeks, just 3 weeks to sell everything, pack up, and say good-bye.  It was a fairly quick decision, so I didn't have months to physically or emotionally prepare.  There are a few regrets I have, looking back, a few good-byes I wished I'd done better.  Overall, I don't think I blew it completely but I don't think I finished as well as I could have.  So thankful that God sees my heart, and forgives me when I just don't get it right.

9.  Stay in the moment

Geeze, I'm staring to feel like I'm beating myself up here.  Who wants to stay in the moment when they are waiting.  Um, no one!!!  When I have had to wait, I've wasted some time looking back with regret, and looking forward with uncertainty and worry.  All we have is NOW, and the opportunities you have right now, could very easily be gone tomorrow.  So make the most of the people you are in contact with right now, and the "work", whatever it may be, that God has for you TODAY.  You may not have tomorrow, so get done today, what you can.

10. Obey God, be bold and confident.

This last one came right from the song, the lyric says, "I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience."  So much easier said (or sang), than done.  There is a peace, and a hope, and an unexplainable confidence that comes with following Christ, but you have to find that certainty in him, and what HE is telling you to do.  And that's it.  Every one else may look at you like you've grown horns, and started speaking a foreign language, but if it is God's plan, it's the very best one.  PERIOD.

Whew, this one was hard to write, and I hope no one thinks I've figured anything out, because I haven't.  I am a huge work in progress and several on this list, if not all, are things that I've learned intellectually, but have struggled to apply in my own life.  My hope and prayer, is that I will be able to come back to this the next time, and fully experience the hope and peace that comes through knowing and following Christ.

Love to all of you!