My latest parenting road block has been about homeschooling. I much preferred living overseas, and KNOWING that homeschooling was absolutely the right thing to do. Now that we are back in the states, I just keep waffling on myself. And most of my hang up is about feeling inadequate, as a mom, a housekeeper, a teacher, a wife, a person, and on and on.
But guess what? God chose me to be the mother to my children, and I can drown myself in the mirth and mire of this one decision, and compare myself to other people all day long. OR I can take a minute to thank God for this opportunity, it's such a unique gift, to be able to invest in tiny people and help them discover the world. Then step back from the flood of thoughts and emotions choking out all reason and remember that I am not alone. What I should focus on is what I need to do today, and not get bogged down with the next 12 years of Kees's education. And take deep breaths, and maybe a nap.
I was looking at a free online homeschool curriculum, and the mom who developed it, teaches her kids to read when they are 3-4, so when they start kindergarten, they are already reading. And that's when I went into a tailspin! Kees knows his letters, and the sounds they make. But he's not reading, and now I'm TWO years behind! How did this happen?! Then the panic and urgency set in, I have to teach this child and if I mess up, I've ruined his life forever! It's too much responsibility.
Did I mention, I was jumping off this cliff partially because I'm sick. In other words, the WORST possible time to try and evaluate yourself or make a decision. And I ended up back where I started, I do want to homeschool, at least for Kindergarten, and see how it goes. I have a whole list of reasons why I want to homeschool, but I won't bore you with all that. Suffice it to say, I feel it's what's right for my family, for right now. I think I need to sit down and just make a mission statement about what our goals are, and remind myself daily that we are working towards those goals in small and big ways. Some days, we'll eek by, and I'll want to sit down and cry. Other days, it'll click, and we'll take long strides. I need to be okay with both. And most of all not let my emotions get the better of me. That's what I try to teach my kids, how to handle their emotions, communicate them in an appropriate way, and find a plausible solution if need be. Geeze, why is it that everything I'm teaching my kids I'm STILL learning!? Someone tell me it gets better, even if it's not true, just tell me it gets better.
So that's it, no fun activity to do with your kids, just an encouragement to myself and all the mommies out there. One day at a time, and if today isn't the best, you get a new one tomorrow. And don't be afraid to apologize to your kids WHEN you mess up. It's okay for them to know you aren't perfect, in fact, I recommend it. It's not the mistakes they'll remember, but the way you handled them and how you made them feel on a daily basis.
Deep breaths Mommas! You got this! (If you need a pep talk, hit me up! I'd be happy to encourage any mom out there that needs a listening ear or a virtual pat on the back.)
Whew! And here is a blog post from a missionary dad that hits a little too close to home, but I think whether you're a missionary or not, you'll identify with this. As women, sometimes the standards we put on ourselves or PERCEIVE others are putting on us, can make us feel paralyzed.
Plus Also (in the voice of Junie B Jones), I'm still a little sick, and probably not making any sense, so at least if you read that guy's blog, you'll read something worthwhile today! :)
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